6/17/13

Goat Milking Champion of my World

It is a widely known fact that if you wrestle with a goat, you will come out smelling like roses. But only if you are wrestling on a bed of rose petals. Which we were not.  It was not in my plans to goat wrestle today. Because if I had been planning that, I would have milked her in a field of lilac trees. I love lilacs. Do they grow in fields or just the yards of old ladies? Back to my story.

 

We have this handy dandy milking device see, that my handy husband came up with. Well, he and the older boys are off camping and we sold off all of our babies on Saturday. So, guess who gets to wrestle milk two goats twice a day? That would be me. That is not a problem at all when the handy dandy milking machine is working. This morning was a breeze. Well, almost. We had torrential rains last night and the two goats did not want to cross the river of running water in the yard to get to the milking station on the porch. So, I had to drag them through thick slippery mud and just about took a mud bath myself . But once we got going, things were okay. I had to spank one naughty goat behind a couple of times, but I persevered and got a full beautiful quart out of that ornery gal.  And almost a  quart out of my more docile one, April.

This morning's haul

This evening the ground was dry and they raced up to the stanchion. I had all my tools ready to go. But the problem is, they didn't go. I could not get the not so handy milking machine to create a vacuum on our mini, no matter what I tried. I nearly cried. But instead told the little lady we would have to do this by hand. Sure no problem. Ignore the fact that I have never milked anything by hand. No problem. I have seen it in the movies. I can do this. In the movies, the goat doesn't kick and buck and dance. This is real life on the prairie and April was not having it tonight. In fact, all I got was a bit of spilled milk and a picture that for some reason want to keep reformatting itself. Nothing is behaving tonight!

This Evening's Haul.
 

I first decided to try and collect her milk to drink. I got a clean pitcher and put it under her tiny teat. I got a little out and she kicked it right over. Okay, I will pasteurize this batch!  I righted the pitcher and got going again. I spoke kind words and told her what a good girl she is. A goat whisperer I am not. She stubbornly picked up her muddy hoof and sat it strait in the milk. So much for human consumption. Thankfully my strawberries do not object to a bit of mud and manure mixed their milk, so I kept at it. In the end I laid my body across her back and reached below her belly to keep her still. I lost more that I got and ended up with a back ache, an attitude and essence of goat.  Glad I showered right before milking time so I wouldn't offend her as we played twister.

Who me? Did I do that?

Star, our black Nubian must have remembered her spankings from this morning, because she gave me no trouble whatsoever...and the handy dandy milking machine mysteriously started working again. Whew!

When the boys return, I am going to either be the master of goat milking or newest champion of  the WWF. Milk, it does a body good!

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25 comments:

  1. That is so funny :) Visiting from The Gathering Spot :)

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  2. Oh man...this is exactly what I went through last week with mine... my muscles are still sore from wrestling Miss Bella...it gets better, I promise!

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  3. I'm green with envy over your goats! (Not the wrestling or milking by hand, however.) I just keep telling myself "One day, one day."

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  4. Goats are such cool animals. They have so much attitude don't they?

    Heidi’s Wanderings

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  5. This is the cutest story, never a dull moment wrestling with goats.....I've never milked a thing, but they sure make it look easy on TV. Roechelle @ http://www.hugatreewithme.com

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  6. I remember when my grandma had goats. My siblings and I found it funny how the girl goats had beards. ;)

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  7. Goats, such lovely creatures at times :)

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  8. I am contemplating raising goats for milk....after reading this hilarious account of your day of milking, I still want goats, so I must be destined to be a goat farmer, LOL (literally, laughing out loud!)

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  9. We've all been there! Hobbles from PBS Animal Health saved my sanity! We shared your article with our readers at homesteadlady.com lest anyone think that the homestead life looks like it does in the magazines.

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    1. I need some of those! Thanks for the tip!

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  10. Wow, this is not at all a difficulty I come across in my normal, urban apartment-living routine! We are hoping to get a homestead someday, and then I'll need all the wisdom I can get from veteran goat milkers like you!

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  11. Well it is five days later. Today was the worst. Hopefully it only goes up from here.

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  12. What a hilarious story!!!!! Man, when they said goats are stubborn, they weren't kidding. Were they? lol!!! Very, very entertaining to read!

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  13. LOL...I've been thinking wanting for a little nanny goat. We have a billy. It reminds me of Mama milking Buttercup, a goat we had growing up. Mama said she was suppose to stand on a table or something but she always straddled her much the same as you. She was always a good girl though I never remember her kick the milk over or anything like that. I'm visiting from the Farm Blog Hop.

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  14. Well that did not sound like a fun adventure but that goat's pic is cute as can be! :)

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  15. Oh I feel for you! when we first got our goat we had only the most basic of instructions and no experience. Our poor goat! both of us milked her the first night until our hands cramped and only got about a cup from our efforts. As we developed our hand muscles (who knew there were so many!) we progressively had a nicer goat and more milk. I am looking forward to having goats again someday.

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  16. My sister has been talking about getting goats for milk. I've milked a cow before but never a goat.

    I finally made it back from my trip so my comments are late...
    Thanks for sharing at Tuesdays with a Twist! Looking forward to seeing what you share this week!

    http://back2basichealth.blogspot.com/2013/06/tuesdays-with-twist-12-with-more-guests.html

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  17. Oh no... hope things are better now or the guys are back! Thanks so much for sharing with us at Eco-Kids Tuesday! I hope you join us again today! http://likemamalikedaughter.blogspot.com/2013/06/eco-kids-tuesday_25.html

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  18. Oh, my word! I hope you are laughing about this story now! I was wanting a milk goat right up until I read your post... ;-) -Marci @ Stone Cottage Adventures

    Thank you for sharing this at last week's Tuesdays with a Twist Party! 'Can't wait to see what everyone brings this week!

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    1. Sorry to have to break the bleak reality to you. Someday I will let you know if the labor was worth it!

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  19. I've been going through the same things trying to break in a new goat. It will get better. Thank you for linking to the HomeAcre Hop. I hope to see you back this week: http://everythinghomewithcarol.com/the-self-sufficient-homeacre-hop-5/

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  20. Thank you so much for linking-up at Pin It Monday Hop#14. We appreciate for taking the time to share your post with us. If you have extra time, please stop by and check what other Bloggers are sharing. See you

    Judy
    Pursuit Of Functional Home

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  21. Oh, how I'd love fresh goats milk! I'm visiting from Pursuit of Functional Home!

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  22. You are so much braver then me. The milk looks great.Thanks so much for sharing with Adorned From Above's Blog Hop. The party will be back this week starting Tuesday and 8:00PM mountain time. We can't wait to see what you have to share this week.
    Have a great week.
    Debi and Charly
    http://www.adornedfromabove.com

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